Life with Christ is such a journey. Its such a mystery at times. When things get tough, I believe its okay to ask God why. There is no question you can ask God that He is not in possession of the answer. He is a devoted, loving Father...He welcomes our questions.
Do you remember as a child asking your parents, "But Why?" and they would get so tired of the whys they would eventually in frustration just say, "Because I said so!" Maybe because they didn't know why.Maybe they did and they had reached their limit on answers. Well, God...He is all knowing. You are perfectly allowed to come to Him like a child with a, "But...why?" If you will still yourself, you will be surprised at how often He speaks to us, and answers our silly little questions. Some not silly at all. Contrary to what we have been taught, God is always speaking to us.
i will briefly go into this, because I believe I am to share my testimony another day, because its still being lived. I'm on the cusp of coming out on the other side, the light is shining so bright and I'm walking, no....running toward it, with a huge smile on my face!
For the past six years, I have been at war with the enemy as he has tried to steal, kill, and destroy my whole life and everything i've ever known, loved, and am. I went from thriving to barely surviving minute by minute. Few know my story, Even fewer know the depths of the suffering and unbearable pain and torment i've suffered. Oh! But God....
Knowing that I was living minute by minute should be enough to set the stage for what I'm about to tell you. I felt so alone. All my friends for the most part had left. No one understood. I cant say I blame them. After all, I was not the same girl I was six years before. I had turned into an insecure, pained, broken, lost and confused little girl who was living in fear of life. I could hardly take care of myself and relied heavily on family to care for me. Far different from the outgoing social woman I was before who was the life of the party, fun, completely goofy, God adoring, sharing, and caring person God had designed me to be. Heck, I was headed straight for my destiny in Christ. I was on fire for Him and I burned bright. At least that's what I thought.For the most part its true. But God does work all things together for the good for those who LOVE Him and are called according to His purpose. And love Him, I most certainly did, With every fiber of my being. So He took these six years of complete suffering, and attack, and said, " I WILL use this for my glory...I will make beauty for ashes. He has taken this time to mold me into a completely different woman. Molded more into His image. I'm certainly not even close, but I love deeper, care with more depth, my passion is felt more, I care about what He cares about, I care less about what the world says or does or thinks, and I live for the approval and direction of my heavenly father. I make decisions based on what the Father says. I have faith that is rich as oil. Why? Because I depended on God for everything. I was so needy, I had no where else to turn. It was a journey that I was forced to take. I couldn't be mad at Him, He certainly didnt cause this. I knew His word was true. So i learned to be content in all circumstances. I learned family is a bond that sticks together like glue. And that He honors the wait. He honors those who fully depend on Him, and believe Him.
About 8 months ago, I was in a relationship that was hectic and chaotic to say the least. We were both believers, but it was unhealthy. My identity had been crushed and I had lost my identity. I didnt even know who I was anymore. We split up fast and furious and on the long drive home, I cried out to God, literally...."God I WANT what you want, I get it now, life only works when we walk in your will, when we surrender ALL to you!!! I'm yours!!!! My life, my future, my job, my future spouse....God I give you that part of my life especially!!!! Just like in the old days when a father would pick a suitor for His daughter and arrange a marriage, YOU are my daddy, I ask you to do that for me, as for now, I'm finished dating and I fully trust you to lead me and bring us together! Take me and work in my life.!!!!" Oh wow, did God begin to move. Every day. I began to encounter Him again, my spiritual walk grew to a whole new level. It was just me and Jesus, and I was quite content. Flash forward to about 6 weeks ago. I met a man named Patrick Wood. Our first conversation, I said...."Lord, he's my husband. That's what your telling me. I feel it deep within my spirit, heart, and soul!" I even told my sister, who probably thought I was crazy!!! The minute we met in person, I was in love with him. He had a glow about him that lit up the room. His love for God was so evident. Our love only intensified, and a week later he told me he loved me. It didn't even feel strange. 4 weeks later I stood before God and promised to share my life with him. We've been married three weeks now. Surprisingly, only one or two people questioned us. Everyone else could see that this was the hand of God upon us.
God is a redeeming God. In the areas the enemy has stolen from you, He WILL give you double. This is a promise. If your reading this and you've been attacked, stolen from, or enslaved...give it ALL to God, and watch how quickly He works. He will amaze you.
To Patrick: You, my love, are proof of Gods existance.You will always remind me of His faithfulness to His word, and I will always love you the way He calls me to because you were designed for me. Your perfect love for me, the way you love me like Christ loves the church, is such a rare thing these days, and I'm honored to be your wife. With every day my love grows for you and I promise it will continue to grow as we grow old together. God made you beautiful. You are perfect in every way. He has called you to great things, and I get to run alongside with you. I promise to be a praying wife, so that you can reach your full potential in Him. I love you, my darling.
-Taylor McMaster Wood
